I should probably get married so someone else can kill the Spiders

While I am certain there are several life-enhancing benefits to marriage, the removal of arachnids from my living space tops the list for me.  Whew, chiiiiile if the feminists of the world are reading this, I know they want to throw their electronic devices across the room.  “KILL YOUR OWN SPIDERS!” they’re probably shouting at me through their screens.  But hey, don’t be so quick to chastise me. After all, I would be commanding my husband to kill the spiders, see?

I hate spiders, or any type of insect that decides to take up residence in my home without offering to pay rent.  I remember when I was home from college one summer, I spotted a spider in my mom’s bedroom. I shut the door, grabbed the cordless house phone, and called my Dad to come and kill it while I kept an eye on it from the crack underneath my mom’s bedroom door.

So see, I’ve always been accustomed to having men kill spiders for me.  When left to my own devices, I have torn down blinds, broken a ceiling fan, and punched a hole in the wall, all to kill a spider.  Which brings me to my next desire for a husband: So he can fix the things I’ve destroyed when he wasn’t around to kill the spiders.

I do have certain criteria when it comes to finding this husband though. The main criteria being,  I don’t want to have to ask him to kill the spider. I want him to automatically spring into action as a result of my reaction to the eight-legged terror crawling about in my living space. This proves to me that he sees the spider as just as much of an intrusion as I do.  If I have to ask him to kill it however,  we could never work. You probably say I’m being ridiculous but think about it: if I’m not around and he happens to see a spider in the house and his only reaction is a non-chalant shrug and turning a blind eye, I can’t trust this man with my life. He has literally just left a murderer to roam about freely in my living quarters!

One more requirement and then I’m done.  My future husband/critter killer can’t be scared of spiders also. When I was living in New York City, I dated a guy who jumped and squealed higher than I did when he saw a mouse in his own apartment. I knew right then it wasn’t going to last, but I hung in there for at least a couple of months because he had central heating and air conditioning. 

If you’re reading this and shaking your head, don’t judge me too harshly. Part of this is just my sense of humor and I truly do see a value in marriage beyond having someone to squish bugs. I love love and I love the idea of a life partnership with the right person. I’m just gonna need his vow to kill ALL the spiders in writing…and preferably spoken before God, a pastor, and all of our wedding guests. 

Doing Something New…

Hey Everyone! I’m in the process of re-vamping my blog so just hang in there with me 🙂 I’ve taken a lot of my old content down but if you were here before and you’re looking for something that used to be here, feel free to contact me and I will gladly send you what you’re looking for. Stay tuned…

Forty Things I’ve Learned By 40


Next month, I will be 40. I don’t feel like it but my left knee does.  I’ve always been a thinker. My mama tells me I think too much and for the most part, I agree. But most of the time, I’m honestly thinking about how I can learn from the things I get wrong (which is often) in hopes that I will grow to be a better human who’s capable of contributing some good stuff to the world.

Below is a list of things I’ve learned and/or observed throughout my almost 40 years of life.  Notice for some of them, I wrote in the first person because they’re personal to me. Feel free to read them and see if they apply to things you’ve learned and to share them in the comments as well!

  1. Never wait on anyone to give me permission to be who God created and equipped me to be.
  2. It is very possible to live without the Internet.
  3. Hindsight will drive me crazy.
  4. I thought I knew who I was way before I actually did.
  5. Most of my health concerns can be eliminated through the foods I eat.
  6. If I left my acquisition of black history knowledge to American textbooks, I would only know about: Martin Luther King, Harriet Tubman and Frederick Douglass.
  7. Comfortable underwear/drawz/panties are underrated.
  8. It’s quite alright to cut some people out of my life. EVERYONE is of value but not everyone is of value to me.
  9. As I grew older, my life became more a result of personal choices than circumstances.
  10. It’s never too late to start over.
  11. When someone tells me I’m their only friend, RUN! (This especially pertains to romantic relationships)
  12. Most of the things I need (notice, I said NEED) are provided through & from the earth (Coconut oil, shea butter, and apple cider vinegar cover everything).
  13. Weed has yet to take a life and is prescribed by doctors to cure certain illnesses, yet it remains illegal in most states. Cigarettes kill on a daily basis, yet can be legally purchased in every convenient store.
  14. Wood paneling and popcorn ceilings are a sin.
  15. Failure is not an option as long as I try.
  16. Everyone is not going to like me and that’s okay.
  17. Jesus is real.
  18. Denim was not originally cut and created with my body type in mind.
  19. It is dangerous to let my imagination go unused or to stop dreaming.
  20. Vision boards > New Year’s Resolutions.
  21. Black women do not do passive aggressive and I, being one of them, am proud of it.
  22. Apologizing and admitting I’m wrong aids in my self-growth and is beneficial for the person I’ve wronged.
  23. Humility is admirable.
  24. I don’t believe in soul mates. I believe the person I select to do this life thing and build a family with is it. So I will choose wisely.
  25. Being a people pleaser often leads to disappointing myself.
  26. Only highly insecure people actually have the nerve to call someone physically “ugly”.
  27. No one can let me down like I can.
  28. My mom was right…about everything.
  29. The world is full of insecure people who are in positions of power and authority. Find ways around them.
  30. I can learn from someone’s successes and failures. 
  31. Being resilient in love is a gift.
  32. If I don’t take me seriously, no one else will.
  33. Being active is the key to life.
  34. Wearing my hair the way God naturally intended it to grow out of my scalp should not be up for workplace dress code discussion.
  35. Showing up for friends and family is important.
  36. In relationships, repetitive, unwanted behavior from my partner becomes my fault.
  37. Be grateful for where I am while I’m there, not in retrospect (hence, #3).
  38. Michael Jackson vs. Prince should have never been a thing. They were different, amazing and there was room enough for both of them…obviously.
  39. A simple life is underrated.
  40. The kids are watching.


Hey There! Thanks for stopping by my blog. I’m so glad that you did! I’m in the process of updating my posts (adding some/taking some away), as well as the look/layout of my blog. Meaning, if you come here one day and things seem to be changing everytime you refresh, please be patient with me. It’s a work in progress. Look at it as if you’re walking into a store that’s currently under construction but you can still buy things. Cool?

The Best Detox For Your Body

detox-2048x1536Before going into 2017, I think I would do myself some good to do a heart detox. I’m not talking about un-clogging my arteries by sipping on green juices and smoothies for weeks at a time (okay let’s be real: days at a time because by day 4, I’m about to kill somebody if I don’t get some solid foods in my system!). I’m talking about really sitting down in a quiet space, dissecting the year going out so that I can go confidently into the new year with a clear mind and heart. We often take the time to write down our new year’s resolutions and a lot of those are tangible, physical goals we’d like to achieve. But what about the intangible things? The spaces in our brains and hearts that have become cluttered by the past year’s junk? Don’t we need to take the time to acknowledge and de-clutter those?

2016 was crazy! The election, no matter what side you were on, put a lot of people in a bad space. Some of us lost friends, fought with our families, got fired from jobs, viewed our co-workers that we thought we knew in a different light. The list of side effects from this bad pill we call “politics” goes on and on. I know personally, I’ve gone back and viewed past Facebook posts or tweets, read them out loud and thought: “hmm, I can see how, even though I feel I was coming from a righteous place, could be hurtful to someone with opposing views”.  That’s never my intention. I’m sure it’s never the majority of our intentions but by nature, we as humans are passionate about the things we believe in and it causes us to react from an emotional space more often than not.

While it may not be possible, nor desired to restore some of the friendships lost or broken this year, what we can do prior to entering 2017 is perform a post-mortem of the last 12 months we’re leaving behind and hopefully leave a few unnecessary things with it. Here’s a step by step process of what I like to call, my  “Spirit detox”:

Spirit Detox:

I grab a sheet of paper and divide it down the middle, creating 2 separate columns: “2016 Pros” and “2016 Cons”. (*Note: this pros and cons list will include not only tangible, physical accomplishments and failures but mental and emotional ones as well). Once I’ve made this list, I measure each one by the following:

  1. How did this affect me internally?
  2. Did this help or harm me or anyone else?
  3. Was this righteous and responsible for myself and for others?
  4. Is this something I should carry into the new year with me?
  5. If this was wrong, what can I do to correct it?
  6. When will I start the correcting?

People repeat Gandhi’s quote all the time: “you must be the change you want to see in the world”. It sounds great but talk is cheap. I don’t know about you, but I spend the majority of my time outwardly making things happen and that’s okay. Productivity is great! But it’s my personal responsibility to also take the time and make sure that whatever I’m outwardly producing sprouted from a good, healthy space on the inside as well. AND, the good thing about this detox is, it can be done anytime, as much as you feel you need it.

Now, who’s detoxing with me? Please feel free to leave a comment if you have any helpful steps to add or your own detoxing techniques you’d like to share!


How Maroon-colored Carpet Made me Re-evaluate my Relationship

I’m the worst daughter ever.  At least I feel like my mother thinks so. Well, not really but I’m quite sure she wants to break down and cry because her only child (that would be me) has yet to speak of desiring to have a wedding and babies. I think those are two huge moments that moms of only children live for, weddings and babies. Those and that moment they can finally exhale when they’ve realized their first born has made it through college, into a job and won’t grow up to be a hardened criminal. Wait: maybe my mom still has reason for worry because since I’m a creative, the job part is still a mystery to her.

As far back as I can remember, I never grew up thinking I wanted what some people consider, “The American Dream”: the house, the husband, the kids. Don’t get me wrong, I always SAID I wanted it when I was in conversation with someone but I never really FELT that’s what I wanted. I never aimed to achieve that. It was as if acquiring those things was the natural order of life and I was supposed to want them. It wasn’t until I hit 31 that I realized I wasn’t dreaming the American Dream.  Let me tell you how this happened:

Continue reading “How Maroon-colored Carpet Made me Re-evaluate my Relationship”